Mama Mia!!! Italian date.

Stupid-no....Naive-yes... Summer 2001--Firenze

Recently I was reminded by some of my girlfriends, God bless 'em....that I have dated a few men that are very good-looking with very little going on upstairs.  I admit, I am as guilty as a guy about falling for a beautiful smile, but it never lasts.  If you really wanna turn my head and make the butterflies swirl in my tummy, you can hold an intriguing conversation and challenge my thinking.  This dating story did just that.....at the beginning.

So the summer I was living in Florence with my cousin, we were walking around the shops near the Ponte Vecchio, I believe, and were stopped by an Italian-Romanian man.  She may have to correct me...we did drink vino with our pizza margherita at lunch.  Anyway.  This decent looking guy and his cousin stopped us and wanted to chat because we are American.  His English was excellent.  We were used to keeping eyes forward and walking through the "Ciao Bella!s" on the street, but this guy caught our, maybe MY attention.  He started this conversation up about religion and politics--two things you shouldn't always discuss right away, but I'll be honest, I love to.  I love to know how other people think and what makes them tick as far as ideals and beliefs go.  So we talk to this guy for a bit and agree to meet later for more "discussion."

My poor cousin.  She was an excellent wing-woman.  I don't think she was so excited about it, but I was like, "Look, what could be more fun than intelligent conversation at a pub?!.....It's that, or I'm going dancing with our roommate and my tootsies need a break!"  So, again, my cousin was such a trouper!!!  We headed out to meet this guy and his goober cousin.  Goober cousin didn't speak much English, and at that point, our Italian kinda sucked.  I thought we were going to meet at a pub......we ended up going to a discoteca.  So.  Another night of dancing--but salsa dancing!  Not hip-hop/techno, for a change.  Naive me thought I'd be chatting away with a brain all night.  WRONG.  We go to this back bar in between dancing, and I think, "finally, we'll chat."  Um...no.  I think this guy's mission was to explore my tonsils!  I don't know how he got his face to mine so quickly, but I was mortified and not expecting it.  Again.  Naive.  He really started creeping me out when he grabbed my arm and started kissing it up and down as he said "Bella. Bella."  So, I found my cousin to head home and they insisted on walking us.  Ugh.  When we got to the Arno River, I said, "Look, we can walk the rest of the way.  We don't know you and I don't want you to know where we live."

I thought that was the end of that.  Flash forward a few months from then...fall semester.  I was living on the other side of the Arno and back together with my long-time high school/college boyfriend in the States.  9-11 happened.  It was so surreal being over there while it seemed like chaos at home.  The school advised us to integrate more with the Italians and not advertise we were Americans.  I ran into dude from the summer at the Central Market, and thought, "Eh--really harmless.  I wonder if he would be just friends."....again.  Naive.  So we arranged to meet for coffee and he seemed totally down with just being friends!  I told him about my boyfriend back in the States.  He seemed totally cool with it.  I was so excited!  AND, this guy really did have some interesting views and great conversation.  He said he could teach me Italian, that he'd taught other Americans and he asked me if I liked cinemas.  "Sure!"  So we were going to watch a movie in Italian.  I started getting a little nervous when we ended up at a flat instead of a theatre, but I went with it.  The guy wasn't THAT much bigger than me.....and I said a few prayers to my Guardian Angel!!!

I walked into his flat, and thought, "You've got to be kidding me."  His sofa was already made out into a bed...his VCR....yes, I am dating myself...VCR downstairs was "broken", so we had to go up to his loft to watch the movie.  Totally a set-up?!  Probably.  He turned the movie on and we had a little small talk here and there.  I am asked him Italian words and questions.  About 20 minutes into the movie, schmooooosh!  He suction-cupped himself to me and I screeched, "AHHH!!!  Ricordi il mio raggazo negli Stati Uniti!!!"  (Remember my boyfriend in the United States!)  The only other time I have spoken Italian so clearly and quickly at that point was after throwing back a few glasses of vino.

Dude yelled "Mama Mia!!!" as he flung himself backwards in disgust.  I couldn't help but laugh.  Then he pouted his lip very seriously and told me I would NEVER-EVER learn Italian unless I slept with him.  Ha!  I still don't speak Italian fluently, hell--even conversationally at this point...so maybe he's right!....but no way in hell was I knockin' boots with Mr. Mama Mia! 

I saw this guy at the Market a few more times.  He reminded me I would NEVER-EVER learn Italian if I didn't sleep with him and he'd follow that up with "No..No...I could never be just friends with such a beautiful girl."  I'd walk off, and he'd hit on the very next American girl that would walk by him.  MAMA-MIA!!!

Sweet dreams.....